One of my favorite Post Secrets says “I drink coffee black to impress people”

…Well I don’t drink it black. I like bold & dark blends sweetened lightly with Splenda – not sugar, Splenda. Occasionally when I feel the need for some pizzazz I’ll swirl in a little ground nutmeg. This morning I sat with my State Farm “Bling-Bling” travel mug savoring my aromatic bean water. Drinking in the polite silence of both the telephones and my co-worker I thought to myself:

Ahhh., that’s good joe…

Last week I was drinking another blissful cup of caffeinated delight – there was no Splenda but there was a sugar-free creamer. As I added some to my steamy-wonderful-mini-cauldron-of-joy (I know – I’m pushing it) she exclaims distastefully “That stuff will kill you.” I assume her protest was to the aspartame in the creamer, or may be to the creamer itself. Regardless – people can be so hoity-toity when it comes to food ergo tofurkey, organic produce, et cetera.

I have friends that are vegetarian. They sit with their boca burgers and protein shakes and contentedly condemn the meat eating denizens of the world. And that’s acceptable. But if I were to take the antithetical point of view I’d be ostracized as being narrow minded. So no, don’t flagrantly wave my juicy steak in front of my herbivorous friends; Trying to pull them over to the fleshy-dark-side. But they can shove their taboulie at me any time they please (I like taboulie but I digress).

My best friend since time began (age 13) saw me pull a diet soda out of my bag when I stayed at her house. She said superciliously “You don’t drink that stuff all the time do you?” – Yes, yes I do. Would you rather have me eat the buffalo wing appetizer with blue cheese dressing with its 1500+calories and a 5x my daily value of lard or an 8oz can of calorie free soda which will keep me from feeling deprived?

I guess I could understand the consternation if I was chowing down on a bowl of unadulterated Equal. But I doubt the intake of aspartame I’m taking in is going to instantly covert to deadly levels of carcinogens. I ‘m going to die somehow and personally I would rather die thin and cancerous than fat and cancerous.

If artificial sweeteners are the only vice I have left with food I have to admit I’m under whelmed with concern. I could eat sugar and die a lot younger through obesity. At least the alcohol in the aspartame could have some embalming qualities which if anything might keep my organs around a little longer. Just call me TutakhamRose.

“Let us go then you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized on a table.
Let us go through certain half deserted streets,
The muttering retreats,
Of restless nights in one night cheap hotels,
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells.
Streets that follow like a tedious argument,
Of insidious intent,
To lead you to an overwhelming question…
Oh do not say “what is it?”
Let’s go and make our visit.
In the room where women come and go,
Talking of Michelangelo.”

-Thomas Stearns Eliot

You thought I was kidding about the Bling-Bling coffee mug didn’t you, DIDN’T YOU. C’mon – don’t lie…