Whew, it’s been a while since I made an entry. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to write about, in fact life has been pretty stellar lately. (Disgusting right?) I’m writing this at about 2am on Saturday because I drank too much coffee earlier this evening and now I’m bouncing off the walls. So let’s play catch-up shall we?

I lost 65lbs during “Madison’s Biggest Loser” Contest which put me in second place. I missed being in first place by 1.5 lbs. Which could make me feel pretty salty but (to risk sounding trite) I received so much from the experience that I don’t even care. I can see myself this time next year looking completely different. My trainer Joey AKA “Baby Kangaroo” is continuing to train me for free. Though I don’t know why he is willing to give me this time I’m grateful for it.

Up to this point in my life I’ve lived in a black hole of self esteem. So I’ve had difficulty grasping the concept of people wanting to help me succeed. I think I’m not special, unique, or even all that sweet. So who would waste their time on me? I chopped all my hair off recently at the salon inside the gym. The salon manager, Phillip came up to me and said he’d been watching my progress on TV and online. He said he was proud of me and my biggest fan. Phillip happens to be Baby Kangaroo’s hair stylist also. In the gym I’ve had other members approach me to tell me I’m inspiring. The news reporter from NBC 15 who did my interview and her camera person said they were rooting for me. Other trainers in the gym have encouraged me to come to their classes and provided direction to me on other ways I can improve my technique. And though I feel kind of vain saying it I am DARN PROUD of myself thus far.

I feel little glimmers of something pretty in myself. My boss – who just might happen to be the best boss in the world – said I have a “glow”. I’m pretty sure it’s just the bronzer I use but he thinks differently. I’m starting to see some of the me underneath the rest of this stuff and it’s satisfying. At the office Friday I was chatting with a grad student finishing up his geology masters program in MT. He was sweet, geeky and he was flirting with me – discernibly. And considering the bling & sombrero lines I normally receive; his haltingly nerdy references to left-handed world domination, tectonic plate movements impact on the Tobacco Mountains, & Oregon Trail were a welcome sign that no rose – it’s not JUST freaks and weirdos who are attracted to you. Perhaps it’s my “glow”.

Whatever the cause, be it bronzer or lateral pull-downs. I do feel more confident in myself and maybe one day in the near future I’ll be able to say “I’m pretty” without feeling I need to give myself a caveat.