Madison opened a brand new SUPER Target last week and I had a coupon. The coupon worked like a snake charmer beaconing me to shop for $5 off my purchase of $25 or more. Great deal I said to myself. I need to use this not want. NEEED! Did I have anything specifically in mind when I walked in besides getting some cotton balls and plant fertilizer (which would have been well under $25)? No, no I didn’t. A lack of strategy is how the majority of bad things happen i.e. falling into a tiger pit in the jungle, applying make-up while driving, The BeeGees. Enter: “The Cat Pueblo”.

The Cat Pueblo is a three level terra cotta orange and brown play structure with a festive cat hammock swaying from the top. The whole construction is comprised of sections of PVC tubing and fittings. Then covered in a Tyvec cloth to make hiddie cubbies for the cat. Since I have such tall ceilings in my apartment I wanted to make use of the space for Horatio(my cat) and since the package boasted it’s “sturdy space saving design” I thought to myself How can I go wrong with The Cat Pueblo! ….you can go wrong…..very….VERY wrong.

Although I’m no engineer I pride myself on basic problem solving skills and the ability to follow written instructions. Following instructions will get you completely screwed when it comes to The Cat Pueblo. The Tyvec covers come in three sections, one for each level of the structure. They even had labels on them: Bottom Level Base, Middle Level Base, Top Level Base. Then you assemble the PVC tubing through sleeves in the interior of the cover and secure them with fittings. Complicated? You’d think not but apparently when the translators were deciphering and typing directions for The Cat Pueblo ‘Bottom Level Base’ which I assumed meant ‘This Side Down’ actually means quite the opposite so unfortunately the completion of The Cat Pueblo was delayed as I disassembled and reassembled the frame for the bottom section of The Cat Pueblo. However even when the ‘Bottom Level Base’ was facing the ceiling instead of the floor something didn’t look right. Didn’t I follow the directions? Bottom Level Base was where it should be? What could be wrong? Bottom Level Base as it happens was really Middle Level Base. The disassembly of the Bottom Level Base left me not a little bit perturbed. But at last 1/3 of The Cat Pueblo was complete. Not to repeat my mistake I assumed the Middle Level Base would also go tag toward the ceiling but I guess it was opposite day in the Middle Level Base assembly line because once again I found myself disassembling the section of Cat Pueblo and correcting it’s orientation. By the time I got to the Festive 3rd level Cat Hammock of The Cat Pueblo I envisioned taking a chain saw to The Cat Pueblo. But then I would have had to duct tape it back together.

But at last The Cat Pueblo was complete and I put away my dreams of it’s early demise. But I felt the means justified the end. What would Horatio think of his new cat play structure? After all he was a Spaniard himself - surely he could appreciate the faux-adobe walls and simulated fringe, what was there not to enjoy?

Opposite day continued as I placed the cat gingerly on top of The Cat Pueblo and it started swaying like a college student after last call. Sturdy….RIIIIGGGGHHHHTT.

Another thing struck me as I started to analyze The Cat Pueblo. The ‘Space Saving Design’ took up about 9sq ft of floor space after assembly. Apparently I am supposed to use The Cat Pueblo myself in order to save space.

Horatio shook back and forth atop The Cat Pueblo a few second before jumping down. He then stretched himself full length and minced over to my dining room table which held a shoe box from a recent shopping excursion (non-Target). He leaped onto the table and after a quick sniff delicately oozed his mass into the shoe box. This signaled to me the kiss of death for The Cat Pueblo. Inevitably when I take it back they will ask me what’s wrong with it. And I’ll be more than happy to tell them I would rather scoop out my eyes with a melon baller than see/assemble The Cat Pueblo again.

Another day, another exercise in futility.