I've developed a serious case of wanderlust and I don't have enough money to do anything about it.

I really want to go to Chicago again. I love the Shedd Aquarium. I could spend all day there. Or the Planetarium, that's cool too. In all fairness they are the only two visitor attractions I've seen in Chicago but if I lived there I'd totally have season passes to everything.

I don't want to take anybody with me on my mini-vacation either. I hate taking people to places like the museum or aquarium because I always feel rushed. Even if the group I'm with says take your time I always feel pressured to move on.

Last time I went to the Shedd Aquarium I was with a pretty large group of people. My favorite exhibit in the entire place was this aquarium(go figure) which contained 3 or 4 giant crabs. They were mammoth! There was one who kept following me from one side of it's enclosure to the other. At first I thought it was a coincidence but after a few times back and forth I had to make the assumption it was following me. Maybe it was the shirt I was wearing, who knows the mind of a crab? I would have liked to stay longer at that exhibit but people were tired, hungry, or bored so we had to press on.

I'm also a meanderer. I don't like walking briskly, but I get disgruntled when I get left behind - which happens all the time unless I jog to keep up with everyone. I guess it's because I'm short in the leg and large in the lard, but whatever I don't like to be rushed. Unless theres a fire I don't want to sprint through life, there is too much I want to explore first.

Very few people understand I like doing some of these things by myself. I get alot of uneccesary pity. "Poor little single girl must be lonely." The truth is I don't want them their cause they'll screw it up for me. Instead of enjoying things for myself I'll spend the whole time worried whether they had a good time or how I can help them have a better time. GAH!

I can be downright zealous in my defense of other people and their needs or protective if they are going to cause themselves harm. I worked with people with developemental disabilities - a major part of my job was advocacy. But when it comes to what I need or how I feel it's easier to put me on the back burner. If there was a formula I could use to break that cycle I would but it's as intrinsic to me as breathing now.

But when I go to Chicago next time the only way I think I can get away without extra baggage is skulking away mysteriously on a Friday. I'll shop, I'll explore, I'll breathe, and then I can come back home and start taking care of everybody again. I just need me time sometimes.