I know this girl who brays like a donkey. (How’s that for brutal honesty) Seriously she laughs at everything, whether it’s funnyor not and has absolutely no volume adjust the decibels are maxed out .(Did I also mention that every bray is followed up with the witty rejoinder of “COOL!!!!!” or “THATS SOOOO AUUUSUUUMMMEEE!”... yeah that starts to bother a person after a while) She also happens to be a glass half full type of chick. Everyone has a “good heart”. It’s all sunshine, rainbows, and cuddly-wuddly-itty-bitty-widdle bears. In real life the teddy bear is a grizzly who’s teeth are sinking into your jugular effectively squelching the blood flow to your “good heart” while the gray sky pours down rain upon the both of you. Oh and that glass? Yeah it’s been turned upside down, no water in that baby.

Well hope that was a clear enough visual. I think I need to give this chick a pseudonym. Hmm what’s a good donkey name. Haroldina, yeah that’ll work. So here’s the beef I have with Haroldina (and no the aforementioned items are not my beef, well not all of it) it’s ok to be happy and upbeat but it’s not ok to be naive about the world around you. Being naive can get you into a world of hurt physically, mentally spiritually. I may come off as a bitter hag but at least you don’t see the grizzly going for my vital organs.

Haroldina works part time as a waitress at a resturant. Haroldina also has this uncanny knack for attracting male attention, braying and all. So of course her male co-workers are no exception to this rule. Heck she even has the spanish mechanic who works across the street to her apartment, leaving notes on her door. The whole time she’s talking about what “good hearts” they all have and what a rough situation they find themselves in. I am not heartless but I do find it interesting that they choose to pour they’re wounded hearts out to her. Frankly they want in her pants but she can’t distinguish the forest through the trees on that subject. “No Haroldina” I want to say to her “ their hearts arn’t good yet, they haven’t learned what it means to be good yet, isn’t it possible their motives arn’t as lily-white as you would like to believe?” I’m always shut down with a “Yeah, but..”

I guess I just don’t understand her appeal. What is it in her that attracts all this male attention. She BRAYS LIKE A DONKEY. Her vocabulary has been stolen from the 1950's surfer movement. She might as well be saying “Kawabunga!”. She could be the next Gidget, I can see it now. “Gidget goes Wisconsin”.

What ever happened to intelligence being attractive? When did monosyllabic conversations create the new “IT” girl. She may be perky but this chick’s blindfold has permanently adhered to her skin. Am I the only person who wants to rip a couple holes in it and let some of the light of real life through? I don’t want her to stop being happy, I would however like to help her properly measure the water glass and pull her back from the gaping jaws of something not so cuddly-wuddly.